Plato(c. 427-347 BC) thought that what we really are is our soul, and that this soul will survive after death, indeed death is seen as the release of the soul. Plato is thus asserting that soul and body are distinct substances, bodies die, but souls are immortal.
At 23 Sonja is numb, vain, materialistic, selfish, vexed by absolute truth, God, trust, and love. She runs for hours late night, imagining a world that will soon drive her kill herself, over and over. Addicted to the adrenaline, as she runs like a trained soldier in war. A game or a test evolves designed by her, God, or another?
Sonja reads the pregnancy test, positive. The baby inside her is the most powerful force she has ever felt, and she loves at last. The 2 months she carries the baby she takes care of it and herself. Bittersweet is the blessing of such an overwhelming life inside her, leaving her on a blow up mattress in her new Penthouse, too dizzy to stand. As much as she knew how great of a mother she would be, the rejection from the father has the last word. She should have run, ran until a world full of signs, symbols, riddles, and deception killing her slowing, and soon, her child too.
Bittersweet is a girls first true unconditional love of her child, and the man she thinks to be the enemy, she sleeps with, hates, clings to for support, and fears yet tests back, but in the end, it was the man’s right not hers. She was dead and has been for a long time. Her mind was lost. But the soul she possesses, knows a truth with possibilities. After 5 years of living in pure terror, chaos, and confusion as she records the crime she’s determined to solve, like magic, a sentence chases Sonja. ‘Who are you?’
Is it pain or pleasure we seek? Clueless as to who she was, and what was true from her life filled with imagination, she researches to find a theory. It is understanding, & social and historical justice her research is rooted in. She remembers when her ego died. It was the day she first met her future psychiatrist. Connections of logic in the mind she possess.
In her notes are the moments she claims her ego dies, and when her mind disconnects from her body. Some answers may take eternity to answer, like how many minds can a body house? Does she wrote with no memory stories about children, because that is the mind who is her, her immortal children in spirit? Or has one of so many men Sonja has met seeped in control? Her notes tell her it is her first psychiatrist, O.J., the one she began to see when she entered the world of the invisible, who was the mind. But for how long? Superego, she wonders, must be attached to the mind. With that said, her soul was sold like a slave, and a mind and their superego took over.
Superego is said to be inflated with obsession with itself, the mind. Constructivism theory of many, says that is why she becomes obsessed with past lovers in reality and from her imagination. It is hard to digest such findings, such lack of control over me, whomever that is. I’m just the image.
To end her endless obsession, which is nearing closure, out of all her confusion, it is her children she cares about. No matter who controls her immortal soul, she always feels the children. A coin with one side, confusion, she may be a past doctor, whom both may be her children, or it could be the faces of men who morph through her pinched optic nerve, where she sees another man and once her son.
Abortion is a right, supposedly a woman’s. What happens when the woman is oppressed warrior? Either way, the way Sonja sees it, it’s a right to lose the light; love, and a way to create Sybil out of a lost soul belonging to too many. No good ending, Sonja will never know who she is; a stranger, one of many men, her child, several, or empty.
Since she is immortal, dead, revived over and over, but always dead. She’s just remains, beneath the obsession, in a place she tries to create into a Heaven. Obsession never stops, and a solution is yet to be found.
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